


Sollemere

by mythicait



Series: Rowcan Oneshots [1]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 23:02:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20415748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythicait/pseuds/mythicait
Summary: Tumblr prompt:  lorcan x rowan, like after a battle and rowan’s trying to calm lorcan down.A gift for my lovely @nalgenewhore on tumblr.





	Sollemere

Rowan didn’t flinch as the glass shattered against the wall. Just sat and waited, silently watching his partner prowl across the room. 

Focusing on Lorcan helped him forget the images replaying in his head as well. 

When Lorcan opened another bottle and started swigging straight from it, Rowan got up and made his way over. They might have ordered enough to overdose on, but he wasn’t going to let him go quite that fast. 

“Slow down.” His voice was soft when he spoke, but firm enough that Lorcan would know he meant it. He punctuated the command with his hand on Lorcan’s wrist, stalling him when he would have taken another drink. 

A bitter laugh filled the room, one Rowan had never heard before from his usually stoic commander. 

“Slow down? Fuck, Rowan, if I slow down right now I might as well throw myself out of that window.” 

“Fine. At least share some with me then.” Rowan snagged the bottle out of his hand and took a swig. The liquor burned going down but it did eat through a little bit of the pain rotting inside of him. Maybe getting shitfaced would help. 

Grabbing another bottle and tugging on Lorcan’s sleeve, Rowan maneuvered them to the couch. Lorcan sat down heavily, taking the full bottle when Rowan gave it to him but just staring at it for several minutes. Rowan chugged down a decent amount of his whiskey, laying his free hand on the back of Lorcan’s neck. They sat there for a while, silent and drinking, with Rowan tracing small circles on his neck with his thumb. 

“Tell me that was the right thing to do, Rowan.” 

His heart broke in that moment, shattering over what they had done, the pain in his best friend’s voice, and the unbearable thought that they would probably do it all again. 

“I can’t tell you that, Lor. You know I can’t.” He was tired, so very tired. And Lorcan had been doing this for even longer; he couldn’t imagine how he was feeling. 

“Ha. You can’t lie to me, just this once, Whitethorn?”

A wry smile lit Lorcan’s face and Rowan studied his profile. Probably the worst part of this entire clusterfuck was that he had lost his rock. Lorcan, always in control and who had all the answers, staring down the neck of a liquor bottle like it held all the secrets in the world. Rowan forgot sometimes, that Lorcan was just as susceptible to emotions as the rest of them, no matter what mask he used. 

“I won’t lie to you about that. But I can give you a different truth.”

Lorcan looked at him, black eyes even darker than normal, full of the shadows he wielded on the battlefield. There wasn’t any hope there. And Rowan wanted desperately to feel again, to let Lorcan feel again. 

“What?”

“I love you.” Unadorned truth, what he needed to say right now, when nothing else seemed real.

Lorcan growled at him and his face contorted into a sneer. “You can say that to me? Now? After what we just did?” He downed the last of his liquor and threw this bottle just like the last, letting it break against the far wall. He dropped his head into his hands but didn’t move away when Rowan wrapped his hand around his neck, letting his thumb brush against his jaw. 

“I have to believe there’s still something good in us, Lor. Something to hold on to. Something worthy.”

He looked at Rowan for a while, searching for something. Finally, he threaded his fingers through Rowan’s long silver hair, tugging him forward until their lips brushed. Soft and warm and everything they both needed right then, when everything in their souls was on fire.

“Keep believing that for the both of us, okay?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you reading, giving kudos, and especially if you comment since it fuels my brain!
> 
> Come see me on tumblr @myfeyrelady, where I generally post faster and will write reqs!


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